Dear AS/400 Geek,

I am a System i programmer with 1 year experience and I work for a large company with over 30 programmers.  I don’t seem to be taken seriously by my peers or my boss.  What can I do to enhance my career advancement opportunities within my company and to achieve credibility with the other programmers?

Answer: If you want others to feel that you are a “real” programmer and know what you are doing then you must look and act like a real programmer looks and acts.  Did you see the movie Jurassic Park?  The rogue programmer who caused all the trouble – now there is a real programmer.  First of all you need to make your programmer station look like his did.  Empty cans of Jolt Cola, old dinners, candy bars, Dorito bags and empty pizza cartons are a good start.  You want your boss to think you live at work and have no other social life.  You should also have clothes that are  wrinkled and ill-fitting, large eyeglasses, and messed up hair.  (See Bill Gates)  Having program listings and open manuals all over your desk helps and whatever you do, don’t document your software – very unprofessional.  When you speak to users use only computer terms they don’t know.  There are many other tips I could give but these should get you started on the road to success.  Good luck!

Washington DC (AP) — In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, John McCain pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican Internet” if elected.

Speaking at the GOP national convention, McCain also promised to introduce a bill requiring every computer on the network to be powered, not by “liberal, Gore-loving electricity,” but by safe, dependable oil.

“My friends, let me ask you, do you know what the Internet really is?” McCain said to the crowd. As no one seemed to know, McCain then went on to talk about Social Security and Medicare.

VATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, Microsoft Corporation and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of Microsoft common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company’s new Religious Software Division, while Microsoft senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. Read the rest of this entry »