Armonk NY – Early photos of the prototype version of the famed Batmobile have revealed the real manufacturer as none other than IBM. Who else could pull off making a car with heavy armor plating, a high performance engine, rocket boosters and a weapons system controlled by an IBM Bladecenter running the IBM i operating system?

The Batmobile is depicted in the 2005 film Batman Begins and the 2008 film Batman: The Dark Knight. The film’s production designer described the machine as being a cross between a Lamborghini, a Hummer and an IBM System i.

Believe it or not, we have discovered an amazing and easy technique that will convert your ordinary PC laptop to an Apple MacBook. After much research and trial and error, we have perfected and simplified the technique so that anyone can make the conversion. We actually have one running in the lab at this moment. See the following photo as proof!

Another classic IBM iSeries advertisement. Where were these ads during the Superbowl?

Rochester MN - With the recent announcement of the new IBM Power Systems which will replace the System i hardware, the i5/OS will also be replaced and renamed. Because of the much greater capabilities of the new operating system, IBM has named it the Virtual Universe Operating System – VU/OS.

Running under VU/OS, the individual user appears to have not merely a machine of their own, but an entire universe of their own, in which they can create or remove their own programs, databases, libraries, users, networks, and planetary systems. They need only specify the universe they desire, and the VU/OS system generation program (QGOD) does the rest. This program will reside in the QSYS library. The minimum time for this function is 6 days of activity and 1 day of review. In conjunction with VU/OS, all system programs have been replaced by one program (QPROPHET) which will also reside in the QSYS library. This program has no parameters as it knows what you want to do when it is executed.

Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree of sophistication in the IT field if an efficient utilization of VU/OS is to be achieved. Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies, for instance, can lead to unexpected delays in the execution of a job. Although IBM, through its wholly owned subsidiary, The United States, is working on a program to upgrade the speed of light and thus reduce the overhead of extraterrestrial and metadimensional paging, users must be careful for the present to stay within the laws of physics. IBM must charge an additional fee for violations above the *NOMAX limit.

VU/OS will run on any IBM Power System equipped with the Extended WARP Feature which is a single-board nuclear reactor that supplies the needed 20 KW of three-phased power for up to 12 years.

Users should be aware that IBM plans to migrate all existing systems and hardware to VU/OS as soon as their engineers effect one output that is (conceptually) error-free. This will give them a base to develop an even more powerful operating system, target date 2010, designated “Virtual Reality”. VR/OS is planned to enable the user to migrate to a Totally Unreal Universe. Although Apple Computer claims its users have existed in a Totally Unreal Universe for years, IBM refutes those claims.

The IBM Virtual Universe Operating System, coupled with the new Power Systems hardware, is designed to help you consolidate and simplify your IT environment and your universe at the same time.

For more information, contact your IBM Virtual Representative.

:-) Smile
(-: User is left handed. 
%-) User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight. 
:*) User is drunk. 
[:] User is a robot. 
8-) User is wearing sunglasses. 
B:-) Sunglasses on head. 
::-) User wears normal glasses. 
B-) User wears horn-rimmed glasses. 
8:-) User is a little girl. 
:-)-8 User is a Big girl. 
:-{) User has a mustache. 
:-{} User wears lipstick. 
{:-) User wears a toupee. 
}:-( Toupee in an updraft. 
:-[ User is a vampire. 
:-E Bucktoothed vampire. 
:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing. 
:-7 User juust made a wry statement. 
:-* User just ate something sour. 
:-)~ User drools. 
:-~) User has a cold.  Read the rest of this entry »

New York, NY - In the relatively modest confines of the Helen Mills Theater in New York City, Mike Daniels, Senior Vice President of IBM Global Technology Services, outlined IBM’s plan to save energy. As part of IBM’s Project Big Green, the services arm of IBM announced today that its 190,000 service technicians worldwide will be using the latest in green, zero-emissions, vehicles. The new service vehicle is called the “Smart Cart” and is produced by Smart GmbH, a subsidiary of Daimler AG of Germany, the same makers of the Smart Car.

This eco-friendly approach will reduce IBM’s overall carbon output by as much as 7,500 tons of carbon emissions per year and save IBM $145,600,000 in fuel costs. In addition to the benefits to the environment, it is estimated the average service technician will lose about 16 pounds, saving IBM an additional $56,000,000 in health care costs.

So that’s what IBM is up to. What’s your company doing today to help protect our environment?

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and an RPG programmer sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam’s rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The RPG programmer leaned back in his chair, and with a sly smile responded, “Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?”

Rochester, MN - In order to better compete with the growing competition from PC Windows Servers, IBM plans to install a reset button on the newly announced Power Systems and change all IBM i operating system error message text to read “General Protection Fault – Press RESET.”

This new feature will give IBM customers the ability to compete head-to-head with Microsoft Windows servers. There is additional talk of adding another feature that will randomly cause the system to restart or lockup for no apparent reason. Because of the stable nature of the IBM i operating system it will be difficult to quickly implement this feature and therefore will have to come at a later date. However, with features like these it will give customers no reason to move to Wintel servers.

A pretty cool video. If you can figure out what it’s about then you win the prize!