(Note: The AS/400 Geek originally wrote this piece as an April Fools joke in April of 1997 for a local AS/400 user group newsletter. Notice how close this humorous article has become reality. The text is exactly as published in 1997.)

When IBM recently announced that it was moving its Austin, Texas-based RS/6000 assembly operations to its 3.7 million square foot facility in Rochester, Minnesota, the same production line the AS/400 is built on, rumors flew about what this move meant. IBM publicly denied any convergence of the two machines and that the move was simply to consolidate manufacturing. But sources inside Rochester have confirmed there are AS/6000 machines running inside the IBM lab with the intent to produce them in the near future.

Because of recent advances in technology with the AS/400 and RS/6000, they both have PowerPC RISC processors and share the same DASD and tape subsystems. It finally became evident that the only difference between the two machines was the operating system.

The new AS/6000 will sport a new operating system named OS/6000 which can emulate either AIX or OS/400. When running in AIX mode the system requires 6 or 7 operators, a network manager, a security engineer, a database manager and four C programmers. When running in OS/400 mode the system requires a dark cool room to run in but may need a janitor or errand boy to change the backup tapes once in a while.

IBM cuts back on it’s advertising budget:

It’s a New World Order. Choose your platform. Choose wisely.

(Click photo to enlarge)

Dear AS/400 Geek,

The percent of used disk space on my iSeries keeps creeping higher and higher. Is there a simple way I can clean up my disk drives to reduce this percent?

A: Yes, the system has a very simple command that will significantly reduce the amount of disk storage used. An example of the command is:

CLRLIB LIB(*ALL)

This command may take a while to process but gives you a real bang for the buck. It will free up a great deal of storage space on your system’s hard drives. Have a nice day!

Okay, you want cheesy IBM i stuff, you’ve come to the right place. Here is a video loaded with cheese:

Kenya, Africa - M’wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire’s Bantu tribe, used an IBM System i hard disk drive yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful disk drive.

“I could not crush the nut by myself,” said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. “With IBM’s help, I was able to break it.” Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking disk drive yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese school children, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the hard drive, which he believed would serve well as a “smashing” utensil. Read the rest of this entry »

Another classic IBM commercial. What makes it even funnier is that it’s so true! Enjoy:

HOUSTON, TX - Scientists rejoiced on Friday after learning NASA’s Phoenix Lander photographed what appeared to be evidence of life on Mars. At first inspection of the photo there seemed to be nothing remarkable about it.

However, when magnified several times, it became clear there was something more than just rocks and sand on the Martian surface.

Peter Smith, the University of Arizona researcher who leads the Phoenix mission’s science team, announced late Saturday that colleagues were convinced that the apparent life forms were trying to communicate with the Phoenix Lander, although at this time it is only speculation.

“To me personally, it was such a thrill to find such strong evidence of life. I was disappointed at the references to the IBM i, since I am a Unix man myself. Still, I’m just sitting on the edge of my chair waiting to see what the Phoenix Lander will reveal to us next.”

In the weeks ahead, the spacecraft will attempt an unprecedented examination of the apparent life forms. Those findings may reveal evidence of extensive Martian life and even the possibility of intelligence.

So true, so true!

Three Microsoft software engineers and three IBM software engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three IBM software engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Microsoft software engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the IBM programmers.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers the Microsoft programmer.

They all board the train. The IBM software engineers take their respective seats but all three Microsoft software engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The IBM software engineers witness all this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the IBMers decide to copy the Microsofties on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Microsoft programmers don’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one of the perplexed IBM employees.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers one of the Microsoft programmers.
When they board the train the three IBM programmers cram into the first restroom they can. The three Microsoft programmers pile into another one nearby. Shortly thereafter, the train leaves the station.

After a brief interval, one of the Microsoft software engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the IBM programmers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please…”